Thursday, December 31, 2009

Happy New year

I don't know where i stand today and i doubt the future very much right now. Just hope that i would find my way soon. Till then, happy new year people.
May Bliss and Prosperity flourish to all
To Karl (Prosperity Burger pun ok kan?)

Tuesday, December 15, 2009


My Bintang and my Malam,i missed them so much. Now i'm wih my sun but its not the same with you, Bintang and Malam.
I missed you

Fan fiction me

It was just a fan fiction. A stupid lame fan fiction. I cant lie though peep's comment shoot my heart up.
19 reviews so far,:D
wish me luck

Monday, December 14, 2009

New Moonie :p

While at day we spent most of our time shopping, i had this nagging feeling that i should go and watch New Moon without naddy and Jijie. Although we promised to watch it together. Even before i went to kuching, already i nudged Karl endlessly about it but he being so gracious, he decided to wait by blackmailing me "oklah kalau macam tu kanda tengok sorang jelah citer tu"
I rolled my eyes and grumbled through our date.
In Kuching, my oh-so-cool aunt, mak anjang chatted excitedly to me about New Moon and how she bought the books right after she watched New Moon.
I laughed and got all worked up when she seduced me with "Jom tengok New Moon nak malam ni?"
I nodded ecstatically while muttering my sorry to Naddy, whom at that time still struggling with SPM

So we went for the movie :) and hello hotness!
Both Edward and Jacob is mouth watering drool worthy!.
Not to forget the werewolves and The Volturi's minion. All the beautiful people in one movie.

And i watched it trice. Gugu-gaga!

Saturday, October 17, 2009


I thought the sun would go away
So i closed my eyes and wished for the night
Little that i knew that the lights wont go away
I woke up with the blazing sun in my eyes
I figure maybe i would have to wait a little longer
Until six hours passed by but the sky is brighter than ever
I wished for the night but the sun wont stop shining
I had people asking me why
Do i ever want the sun to go away
I said i love the moon he always tuck me in
I had people said to me 'but the sun gives you life'
I told them that it didn't matter the sun hurt my eyes
They walked away eventually
I shook my head and waited some more
But till now the night never comes
So the sun bright my days and burns my heart.


I could lie and stay down
you're not around i knew that
I could sing the tune in and out
That same oldskool songs you like
But that don't matter

I don't see the future as we walked on that road
I love you that is certain
What is not is tomorrow
You and i know that
You may dismiss my fear
You may put me behind
But tomorrow might change

Love ain't it funny?
Love ain't easy
We thought we got it down
Well now and now I'm not so sure
Not so sure

Me,myself and that jerk that i love

I can try and be myself again
But i know its no use, no use
You been playing with my mind too long now
So I'll take a break from you
Your voice, your touch, your every little thing

I walk into the world
When you're not around and that feels good
Somehow it feels so good just to be alone
Backup back the hell up
I'm gonna need myself and i
We're gonna have fun and we're gonna be fine without you

Taste the chocolate and i knew nothing is better
You can put your toys back in
Why would i stay for one when there's many to toy around with?
Yup that's right, uh huh
Me, myself and i

Oh yeah, for you over there
Don't be sad I'll send ya a postcard
For you back in Dumbass town :P

Nevermind dear,

Does it hurt to feel my little,little words
Tingle and lash it on you
Oh well you have no idea how it is,

I packed my little ghost bag and let you out
I pissed you off as i slip my hand in your arm
We kissed and we loved
But now and never oh never
I'll be yours again
I tell you, i tell you this

I faked my smile sometime and every day
You think that you're the man and you think you can have it all
Just so you know, i might don't have a clue
But you might stumble into me with him
You'll see me smile and laugh
You'll see i can find myself a better better
Little little ride and a big bid life
Just when you're out of the door

I wont be yours
No i wont be yours again
Keep your hand to yourself
Put your words away
It meant nothing to me

Wednesday, August 5, 2009




Near midnight I randomly thought about the past and rivers of words kept rushing in and out stochastically but eventually my minds dwelled back into the year of 2004.

Ah those days.

Chicawat, if only I had been wiser than naive, more steadfast than hopelessly in love. I would've deftly step aside from your lines of sweet nothing and be your good friend. Just to know who you are, what are you, what made you. Then I’ll know if we're meant to be.

Wishful Thinking :P

In this irreversible circumstance, I guess I’ll never know and you'll remain to be the first.


Do you whisper my name when I walked back into the room? Or do you sighed here and there, talking and laughing behind my back or do you never care for subtlety and do it all in front of my face.

How sweet.

Do you told me that you loved me and hurt me severely at the same time? Or you never knew because you always right? What are you? The embodiment of life? The light? Superior by the dirt that tainted your life?

How admiring.

To all that never knew, how I loved you without a bound and that love seems to drowned.

Oh my SayangS,
Love does die.


So the lambs die and the soaring swans that never seen the light fall off lying flat with their wings flapping aimlessly.

Death is so beautiful sometime. We feared and hoped for it at least once in our life. Death is the very symbol of life without death one will never knew life.
Random thought people. Random but never meaningless. :P

Who Are You?

I thought I knew everything of us but I was wrong. I should've known better but I don’t. It was very simple, one curiosity lead to a finding that remain inside, unknown to the significant other. The Finding remains quiet without a sound except of my own. The Finding was buried, covered by dirt of happiness or ignorance in the mask of happiness, either way. The Finding is buried. I let it buried. Dead and unknown or so I thought.

Somehow the Finding rose in the midst of night, crawling like an invisible ghoul or it never bother to creep and screamed like a banshee. The finding course my nightmares now and then although not always. It is there. There to pull me out of that haven of bliss now and then. A smack of reality from the dead. How ironic.

This is me by many sobriquets but it is me.

Sunday, August 2, 2009


I know i said i gave up.
I know i said I'm over
Guess i don't really know what I'm talking about
Though i swear i meant it.

I'm here and there
Looking in and out
Wonder for so long
I don't think I'll win
And here is my all
Just take it

Monday, May 4, 2009

Heartbreaking Epiphany

3 May 2009
5:41 PM

I should have wrote this yesterday, right after I get home, but happiness took away my rage and despair in a flight of ignorance and once again I forgive and asked for forgiveness instead. To me it felt like as same old record or tape playing over and over again, where my pain and tears, ignored completely as I broke down with my head sunk so low I thought I’m going to lie on the ground with tears and disgusting mucus smearing my face and my nose.
Was it always like this love? Was it always to be a joke?
For many days my eyes were blinded by tears and the horror of knowing facts and other thing of figuring an equations, building lines of truth under the fa├žade of reality and finally made an assumption of ‘what could have been’.
Do I not deserve this? That I am merely a part of the play, the dispensable part that about to be killed off when the real lead will come forward and put through a sword to my chest.
Is everything is nothing but a big joke for me?

Hit me baby one more time!!

30 April 30, 2009
3.01 pm

Ah, another day goes by and nothing to write on. Of course, don’t bother to say anything about it though. My loneliness is killing me ? not the kind that you had nobody literally more the one where you absolutely had everybody but none can be trusted with your heart with. Yeah, tell me all about exaggeration but yet to quote something that Jijie said ‘You don’t live my freaking life and like hell you’re not in my fuckin shoes, know what imma sayin?’ (Jijie’s are more polite though: P)
By the way I missed the oven ;( I hate steaming cake, it didn’t really gave the fully satisfaction that I need from it.

Jangan Tegur

29 April 29, 2009
9.23 pm

So yesterday, I finally get to watch Jangan Tegur. The movie is mediocre though but what I really want to watch is of course the possessed scene and I thought it was cool although it had much similarity with the 1973 The Exorcist. I think Julia Ziegler aced her possessed character in the movie, although the rest of it were alright I should be more appreciative, at least it didn’t end up to be like Jin Hutan (That is one stupid, full of shit movie that I have ever watched). Earlier on we (me and Karl) watched Bohsia and it was entertaining and funny in some way. I felt like Diana Danielle reminds me of those actress from the 90’s era and yet she’s young, barely 20 I think but that didn’t matter the movie is quiet entertaining and after watching Jin Hutan (wince) I don’t think I could ever be harsh when it comes to Malay movies.
By the way I’m craving for Ice cream Monster :P

Nothing but stupid

25 April 24, 2009

It was a sure thing whenever I looked at and it was hard solid enough for me when I’m holding it in reality but still I can only lie so much to myself. Whenever I pretend not to care I always failed miserably. I do found a way to get a grip on this, I could get busy but I was too afraid. I was always unsure of myself and always procrastinate until I realized I wasted too many time and too many tears on idiotic matter regarding them.
Every time I had the nerve to do something about it and just as I about to step on it, my bravado crumbled and my strength vanished along with my faith in myself. I never felt so low and I thought I had been to rock bottom before.
Ah, life as a loser never was as easy as it looked.

Lie, Bake and Hope

24 April 2009
8.50 PM

Sweetie Tooth.
I felt it rang into my heart from the moment I say it. I can’t say I wasn’t fooled but I try hard not to. It didn’t matter some time whether it will be real or not, but I hope it would but hope alone won’t suffice. The path to follow won’t be easy, heck nothing will since I was so messed up.
I wonder will that one dream will follow me through as a dream or will I finally will it to life?. The question is impossible to answer. Ha-ha. By me at least, anybody else will answer it in a heartbeat. Thank you Dumb Blond who willing to dream with me and put me on fire when everybody else just shrugged and discourage. Whatever the outcome will be or no matter what decision I will make, I’ll remember when we had Sweetie Tooth, when we dreamt of the future and I’ll remember the fire and the iron clad hope we had even if it’s last only for a moment.

Today from tomorrow

24 April 2009

I have no other thought last night other than my usual. I shouldn’t be staying up till morn but I figure the sleepy I get the better sleep I’ll have, but no, not a better sleep only a better nightmare. I can feel my eyes, puffy and red with tears when I woke up today. I felt like those years of never ending nightmares is coming back to me again. Sigh*

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Little miss envy

I'm suck at blogging but i missed writing something new although my life is far from interesting.
This week is rather slow,i don't have to babysits since my mom is on one week break and so i spent most of my times hanging out at kakchik's and KL.
Karl and i went to watched Race to the witch mountain last Friday,the movie sort of, i don't mind watching less complicated and Disney-ed filled movies as long as i could be spared from any stupid,horrendous movies like JIn HUTAn,seriously i don't even know how they get that one out. Ugh,

Sure,this is probably the most relaxing weekend i have since taking care of the brats (Yes you are) and i was shoved into envy when little miss annoying and big fat head gets brand new phones (ok,so it was secondhand) and brand freaking new watch and a pair of hamster, whereas i have to be depending on Karl. UGH.

Enough whining.

Sunday, February 8, 2009


Fucken little day isnt it?


And so when life sunk down in a very pathetic state, i curled up and slept through it and New Year went passed me like winds.
In summary, my life are dull and pretty suck at the moment but it wont be for too long i guess,,

A real job hunt awaits.

Why Cant You?

Why cant i whine and cry on your shoulder?
Why cant you make me feel safe?
Why not?

Why wont you really listen to me?
Cant you listen without the snippy comment of yours?
Why cant you hushed me from my tears?
Why cant you understand my fears and hope?

And you ignore me when i needed you the most,
Thank you love,,