Wednesday, December 21, 2011


Felt like I'm letting my friend down "_" Oh D, please be a better person!

Tuesday, December 20, 2011


Sebenarnya aku rindu dengan dia, that's why everything is a mess. Kalau dulu I can live my little world now, the night is back with the lonely. This is all for the right thing and although my 'right' thing been sprouting mess, like he knew I'm alone and defenseless.

 Oh crap. Same ol, same ol

Friday, December 16, 2011


Oh non-stop migraine-ing.
Non-stop pondering bout it,
At peace in wars,
Life as I know it,
Cease to change.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Ending 2011 1

Everyone finally moved on. I am relieved with a little pang on the inside, I can't deny that. But I am happy for them, I hoped for the best for them :)

Me and Karl are trying again, falling in love all over again. We worth the try and I will try over and over again, I'll try till it kills me. Then a stop only to be discover. Later.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

I'm in so much pain right now. I lost and yeah, so die die away feelings...

Saturday, September 24, 2011

And i shall spend my remaining days to learn to love again. I must believe in what you called truth. I must somehow repair this heart while thank for all the time, the memory you gave me. It had been wonderful and one more thing.

I love you

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Yeah, I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I don't care and I don't want to.
Karma will be coming this way, I know but what the hell, I just don't mind myself with your feelings anymore.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

I don't need this from you. FUCK YOU

Saturday, August 20, 2011


I'm losing yet another phantom
Fleeted without a trace
Emptiness barging in
With nothing I fought
On and on

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

I'm using my phone for this post and i gotta say, that i'm feeling pretty insecure without a spell checker :(

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Its hot, the weather is hot right now. The sun blaring right now and although I am well protected from it, I can still feel the heat and the heat is testing my patience. I haven't been writing lately, I was discouraged and uninspired, angry for the most of the time. I don't know how to turn it around, I am too homicidal.

Fuck this,

Monday, July 25, 2011

Next week

It’s been awhile, I have caught up with Tumblr and Manga lately that I haven’t spare a thought on this blog. Life is what it is at the moment; it would be too much if I say that I have nothing to live for at the moment. It would be like pushing my luck J I think.
It’s going to be Ramadan again next week and it’s my first Ramadan in Seremban. I don’t expect anything out of the ordinary but let’s hope for a nice surprise this Ramadan J

Thursday, June 9, 2011


He reeks of alcohol
Clinging by my side
Arm tightly around my shoulder
Making plans with dreamy eyes of his
Intoxicated by the night
As we made our promises
Not to let go
When we both knew
Promises will only be promises

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

When I said that "I wont forget you"

I meant it.

Because you know I wont.

Never. Not In a million years
I'm sorry. Its not your fault, it's me
I'm not capable of love
I'm messed up long before i met you
I'm sorry, I'm so sorry
I cant feel much anymore

I'm sorry,please forgive me one day


Its empty, unknowing to sentiments
Its empty, abhorred by lights
It’s empty, it’s you and me

Monday, May 30, 2011

The Poet

Does he walk with a book in his hand?
His pen on his right pocket,
His eyes darken with rage,

Did he touch the cake?
He stared at it,
Waiting for it to talk,

Does he know the time?
He is staring at the open space again,
When people hurried back home,

Do you know him?
He talks to the air,
While his pen dancing without flair,

Sunday, May 29, 2011


Lust. Lusting. Lustfully
Leave. Leaving. Left
High. Higher. Highest
Dry. Driest

Tuesday, May 24, 2011


cuz, i'm just another girl :)


But you convinced me anyway.

Tonight, sleeping tight.

Never failed to feel lonely.

I'll make my way, make you see.

What's left of us, just a story.

Fleeting and missing.

Raven Eyes

Raven eyes, raven eyes
Why are you in disguise?
You can try, you can try
But there is nothing you can hide

I am too imperious, so deep in my perfection
You are too frivolous therefore there is some distinction
But I’m willing to risk it all
Because you took the light out of me

Raven eyes, raven eyes
You can’t escape with your lies
It’s time for you to realize
The truth in your eyes

I'm pulling you under now
Don’t say a word, don’t try to scream
It’s futile to resist me
Take my light, take it all
In exchange you'll be mine

Raven eyes, raven eyes
It’s time to throw the dice
Stop creeping with disguise
Take my light; I'll take your lies

Raven eyes, raven eyes
You are mine

You plagued my dreams

Monday, May 23, 2011

Lost 1

I bred sorrow
Like it was a love child of mine
I take all the time
In the world to satisfy
Wilted flower that meant to die

Hide and seek all the way
To the town where people pray
To all the goods and the shimmering lights
There is no logic in what we did
Just another little lost kids

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Happy little me

I am happy for that little mark you left me
It is small, insignificant almost
A trace of memory and nothing more
There, in the darkest corner of my mind
Diluted and unfeeling
Where your mark made its pavilion
To shelter me from shards of miseries
I am happy for that little memory you gave me

Friday, May 6, 2011

I’m just envious
As the sun shines on you
It’s just ridiculous
How you manage to stay beautiful
After all that you been through
You always be someone that I need
I’m envious
When you laugh, you seem to fill the world
You’re beautiful you got no contender
One in a billion

Happy Mother's Day Mama

Wednesday, May 4, 2011


How is that fair? When you lose somebody just because you’re trying to keep everybody happy?

In an instance, I lose the affection that is rightfully mine and that warm embrace you replaced it with a cold nod. 

How is that fair?

Am I just a pawn?

Friday, April 29, 2011


You had the best of me
I am definite, definitely in love
You can hold me now
If you want to, if you need to

Stay longer now, the light is dimming
And I'm afraid of the dark
Calling me out, my fear is calling me out
I'm sinking into the shadows
Nobody, nobody can held loneliness
Like you, Like you

Monday, April 25, 2011


My inability to write proper English frightened me to no end. I try to write more and whenever I did, I found a huge black hole instead. No Bahasa Melayu for me for awhile.

Saturday, April 23, 2011

When the morning starts without the sun

Dr. Joko, We ate sambal Jawa today. I can almost imagine the smug on your face when i ate it.

Its like hearing you say "Well, hah! they copy me after all..."

I'm not sure if the word copy apply at all in this context but like when we're eating ice cream with white bread, you would wistfully said that you're the one who started to eat it with bread and everybody else fell into queue.

I realize now that you took pride of being the trend setter. Dr. Joko you are so full of yourself and as annoying it is to hear you cockily said "I did it first" I kinda missed that.

Your arrogance made me feel special. Somehow. Once in a very while.

Dr. Joko, today they said that I should get married. I told them no, simply because it wont be any fun without you being the head honcho.

Dr. Joko if you are here, I bet Restoran Nelayan will be the place where the reception be held or we could have Villa Ukhwah for the day event.

Come to think of it, you and I planned my wedding way before them.

Yes Dr. Joko, they copy that too. Darn, those copycats.

Friday, April 22, 2011


I'm leaving to live on the other side
I just gotta try it once I just gotta know
What we are and what will it do to me
When we walk by not holding each other's hand

Say you like to love me
Baby, it aint the same thing
Say you like to be with me
It might be just something else

Cuz I’m leaving, I’m leaving for the better side
Of the grass that might be greener
I’ll be leaving forever
So do try to forgive me honey

The simplest reason

I wish i can run away for the weekend. Weekdays sangat dreadful bagi saya 

By the way whenever i'm obsessed with a TV series, movies, anime and stuff. I will always look up for the fanfiction of it. Currently I'm into Gakuen Alice and i found something that made me  ROTFL XD

Oh, happy weekend people.

Gakuen Alice

From the left, Hotaru Imai, Mikan Sakura, Natsume Hyuga and Ruka

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Malam Semua

Saya tertidur petang tadi maka sekarang saya tak mampu melelapkan mata. Justeru saya ingin memuat turun Jojo fashion show 3, untuk membunuh masa dan mengantukkan mata saya. 

Terlebih dahulu, saya ingin mengucapkan selamat malam dan berkongsi satu tweet page yang telah 'diselamatkan' oleh seorang blogger tapi saya terlupa blogger yang manakah jadi saya tak dapat memberi kredit padanya. 

Maaf ya


I don't know If Karl is crazy about me but I wish he is :)


Last night's dream is not fun. I woke up this morning with blood lust, I wanted to kick his ass.
You pissed me off last night.

Haish, merapu laagi saya.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

The Vivid Space

It’s been three days since I last indulged myself in the internet. I have an addiction to social networking ever since I discover MySpace. Yes people, as lame as you might say, MySpace were the Facebook at the time. I remember staying up late till the morning watching YouTube, conversing with random perverts, battling ‘Who’s got the better looking profile’, sending glittering ‘Thanks For The Add’ comment and a lot more embarrassing stuff that I wouldn’t dare mention. 

Alas, the MySpace era had ended (although it refuses to die) and Facebook is the ‘thing’ now and I'm still addicted to the internet. My sleepless night has taken its toll on my looks (Yes, I am very very vain)

I looked like one of those battered women who worked 13 hours straight and had very little sleep. So I started to sleep early since three nights ago and went up to the outer space.

I’m not kidding. Last night in my dream, I discover that when you go to an unknown building, went to the top floor, you discover, as the elevator’s open, a pitch black space with dim glittering stars. I remember a woman standing beside me saying "You can't never tell anyone just how easy it is to go up in the space. Its a secret" Of course now its not. 

It was beautiful and it was so…real. It was a beautiful dream, if I may repeat myself. 

P/S: In the dream, I also discover that I am a lesbian and apparently I had a thing for this schoolmate of mine, I remember saying to her that she “Is quite the vision”


Tuesday, April 12, 2011

They tell me it will be impossible
It will  be stupid and naive of me for even hoping for it

Monday, April 11, 2011


One day I might be whole again
Maybe on one fine day I might be myself again
Nobody else but yours truly
Care about the world but I still love me
Hey maybe one day
I will be me

One day I may love with a happy heart
Not with a lonely one
One day you won’t be able to make me cry
I’ll be myself and stand up to your stupidity

Right now, I’m just Dewi and my heart is lonely
Yes, you took advantage of what I am
Yes, you pulled and torn me open
But wait, I’ll be back

On that one fine day
I will be me again
Nobody but yours truly
I’ll be me
And you’ll be gone

I’m just bored. Thus, many picture of me lying on my precious carpet here. Well today I made spaghetti for lunch and I think I boiled too much of spaghetti No.3 and now worried that nobody would finish it up.

I assure you that Hannah is an avid cam...girl ( I hate the word whore unless I'm saying it to you) 
Oh well, she rushes downs stairs when she heard the word 'Sepaygeti'

She just got back from her kindergarten, still in her uniform.

Ah, I had a video of Hannah commenting the spaghetti but I don't know how to, it failed every time. Oh well,
maybe next time :((

Friday, April 8, 2011

Finally I calmed down a bit, Looking forward to the future now :)
I missed  my heartbeats, the one that drummed loudly, the one that drove me to madness many times before.
I missed you most of all, my love

I just have to post this creepy pic of me, I kinda scare myself, reminded me of Ju-On's bulging eyes


You come along and took that pieces of my life
You took it all and in time
I let my wall down
I figure you do too
Then a couple of months
You give me away, give me away
To time
You said you had it a lot
It’s time to breathe again

Yeah, you give me up
You give me up to time
Said we need to take a breather
A time off is what you need

I found myself on this road again
Where I fished for your attention
I took my time and let it fly out of the window
I let the nights spent in vain
Just crying out while saying your name

You give me up
Yeah, you give me up
To time again and again
I was beaten down, beaten up
I couldn’t make my mind up
Should I leave, should I walk by and let it breathe

The heart is gone and torn apart
I'm about to love when you decide
To fade away and to never be here

So I...
Try to breathe through
The thick foggy air
That is you

I'm hiding...
From me and everything that's you
I'm experimenting with heartbreaks
Once again

I don't know why,
Reasons don't make sense
And senses were absent
I guess in this funny game we play
There won't be any solutions
I’ll take the first train home
I’ll give it all before I go
Just something for you to remember
Since, I’m leaving
Tell me one last lie
Tell me that you love
Everything that we are

P/S: Incik Aiman punya gambar. 
Shhhh ...

Let's just lie down on my carpet
Free your mind just get lazy
Let me hold you
Yes I'm singing a lonely song
I was hoping that you do too

Do you know how to love?
Since I forgot just how it goes?
Hey how the hell we ended up here?
I suppose I don't mean to love
No love

Thursday, April 7, 2011

When you lead me away
I gave pretty much my everything
The cliche is endless
Still I believe it with everything that I got

Baby you got the best of me

You caught me dead with your eyes
Can't we go back to where there is us?
Can't we just love?

I ducked and covered my face
I don't think you would love to see me
So I rolled over and closed my eyes
Hoping that you will stay away

By the way Murdered By Julien will have to wait.
I thought I got some pretty good shot
But turned out to be quite tacky
So no, not today

Wednesday, April 6, 2011


You made me feel all jittery, nervous and restless. 


Oh please, Dewi stop it.
Stop thinking about it

Night people :)

Oh well, this should made my night
The comel-fied me

Goodnight dan selamat malam

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Di mana akan aku lampirkan kebosanan ini?

I cant handle teenagers. 
Mama cakap kamera tak tau kat mana
Fine, I'll do something else
Cant bring me down that easy

50% of love, can you top that?

It is challenging to stayed alone and resist temptation. Hahahaha, fine there is no need to justify what I did, its done anyway and all the things that I need to know, I already knew. Just hoped that it will be worthwhile because if it happen again, 50% might drop to 10% and 10% is a pity share.

So there and there, my point there is.

Happy Meal Sunday

I can’t get off this carpet any time soon, lazy; I’m so lazy to go ahead with the routine. Started to get empty here, tonight I might do some camwhorin just to squeeze that loneliness away but as usual my easy to uglify face would probably made me scream in frustration rather squealing in fun.

Fun, Fun, Fun. 
I bet Rebecca Black had more fun than me tonight.

So last weekend is a complete rainbows and sunshine for me. Karl and I argued as usual but we chose to let it go as the clock ticking. Yeah the clock ticks like a bitch when we’re having fun as for Sunday we had the best happy meal, the five of us, Julien, Sandra, Aki, me and Karl went to the IKEA and ate meatballs!
Well I ate it as if there is no tomorrow! I missed them so much. Looking forward for the next love filled trip!

Monday, April 4, 2011

Random lament

Nak buat macam mana people? I am not easy to love, to satisfy. I may love you today and hate you tomorrow or worst I might not remember you at all. See this is the reason why we should never messed with peep's feelings, cuz one day they got all super messed up and they wont be able to love or to trust freely.

What to do,

P/s : Cant wait till i get my hands on my new webcam then I shall webbied myself until ya'll be sick looking at my face.

Friday, April 1, 2011

Envy is wearing black

Sometime I wished that I was super beautiful
So you'll be looking at me and only me
Well, that is just another wish in vain
For I cant be nothing else other than my old dreary self
My jealousy took over as I stalk your facebook over and over
I found that there are many other that certainly caught your attention
I don't think i'll ever understand, when you tell me again and again
"It was nothing but a friend" Even though you're holding her hand

Pain really is a great muse

Thursday, March 31, 2011

The Sanctuary

Everybody is fishing for compliments, wanted to be recognized for something, all of them including me. So I'm trying my best to read honestly, to swim through the stanzas because every one of them deserve to be 'feel' and although our sobriquet as usually would lead us astray, I wont let it fool me and still bravely looking through meanings.

Good Day my dear comrades,

Tuesday, March 29, 2011


There is a definite twinge, I cant deny that but we need more than just a twinge. We need the whole freaking universe to be one with us.

Monday, March 28, 2011

White fence

This is the part where I should convince myself to take everything the way it is and suck it all up. I'm not really into that anymore, Its time that I leave this cocoon of mine and look for better things, naw,  I don't think that the grasses is any greener on the other side but the other side of the fence might offer me something new.

So lets just pray to that and hope we don't die in vain.


It’s the Monday morning again and unlike so many people out there, I do not have a Monday blues, apparently Monday blues is something that I carry with me every single day. Ah, next week should be fun, should be something that I’m dying to get to but now my mood were spoiled, again, I’m not sure just how the weekend will turn out.

I tried to stay away from drama but I think drama misses me as it kept hurling tit bits of pain at me, provoking me, but I didn’t lash out quite yet.
Oh yeah, I am definitely not ‘sombong’ or ‘berlagak’

:( Hmph!

Sunday, March 27, 2011


I know, I know, I am a fool
For I content with lies
For I refuse to recognize the truth
Over and over swimming through doubt
Always in a haze, refuse to win the fight
Refuse to come through
Misconception really, even though I tried to
None will comprehend and none will feel
Therefore I am content
With the lies that I am