Thursday, December 27, 2012

Till then

So they left and I am gleefully dominating the laptop. Uninterrupted sleep? Yeah right.

Wednesday, December 26, 2012


I'm not completely disappointed that I can't go to Vietnam but sigh, I needed a break. Breaks, mind you.

Thursday, December 6, 2012

Awake, too awake

Late morning this is and yet I am wide awake. I cannot read or dream. My mind is running around in circles, tiny meaningless circles. I feel thoroughly stupid and these are the feelings that made me feel weak. So weak that i have no confidence for the future. I wish I'm not this forlorn of life but my guilt is wearing me down.

On other boring note, the room is filthy and we are just too damn lazy, i suspect that we might even have bed bugs since my skin itches like crazy!

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Fun Fair

"I hate you kakak!" I screamed as loudly as I can, before the sensation of having my entire weight lifted off the ground sinking in. I was prepared for the horrid experience and actually thought it was not that bad for a microsecond. Then everything swings wildly to the sides and everytime i opened my eyes, my gut were boiling disgustingly and so I kept my eyes shut.

This is why people lie to their self. Opening their eyes to the truth is frightening, to have no control at all, the unknown.
Instead, what is certain is that if you failed then you might end up spilling your guts out, out for everyone to see, literally and metaphorically.

Monday, November 12, 2012

Imaginary you

Confine me please,
In the depth of felicity,
With a presence belongs to your being,
A benign dream laced with indefinite splendour

Confine me, confine me

Wednesday, November 7, 2012


The sky are forming clouds and shooting ray lights perfectly, it was one of those day where every light that shone upon is something to be grateful for. I woke up quite early, since I’m sleeping in her bed this morning, the spot is quite warm, a little too warm to oversleep but I care no more for such things. I need my sleep, I need my dream. I need my escape.

It was only yesterday or today- depends on what ungodly hours the conversation took placed- a certain truth came to known. I was deeply disturbed, upset but it was something that I always knew in my heart, something that I pushed back into my mind every time a whisper of this truth echoes inside. I can no longer avoid it neither can I face it with bravado.

I cannot be who I am not but I stand by their side, those who do not love me for who I am. I am utterly destroyed but my wreck is in silence. No pleas, no cries, no hands to reach out. My voice is hidden, muted, gone.

Friday, October 19, 2012

If you can breathe

  Every night is wet and cold, I’ve got something else brooding under my skin.  I’m in trouble again with myself. I couldn’t breathe through my guilt. There’s a lot of resentment here and there. To make it through without a scratch would be just a mere wishful thinking. The only way out is to keep breathing. Be me, smile, a lot of smiles and bit of tears at night.
Love, maybe but that one is a bit tricky. I couldn’t look beyond it far enough to feel tranquil about it. Things change, the facade might be the same but you can never ponder over the memories with the same feelings, with the same attitude.


You were riding your lies with your tongue,
You had fun and you long for truce,
You crept beneath your comfort,
You crawled and abused your youth,
You cowered from the bitter truth
You are such confusion,

Monday, October 8, 2012

Sunday, October 7, 2012

Happy Birthday

A torch,
Happy Birthday,

Yours truly,

Wednesday, September 26, 2012


The powdered sky,
Looming over my roof,
Stilled in my bed,
I’m too tired to move,
But why, all of these sentiments,
Thought I’m dreaming of heaven,
Heaven, heaven, heaven,

Do not think,
Farther than you see,
Oh I was skeptical,
By the advice,
Now, here we are,
Nowhere, nowhere,

Brimming tears,
Sobbing hiccups,
Another farewell,
Life just happen,
Here we are,
Surprise, surprise,


gif via Tumblr

Tuesday, September 25, 2012


I always dream of traveling, backpacking to see the world. It would be one of my wishes but now, I don't know, I feel old. I feel like I need to stay safe in one place. I'm going back and forth from Seremban to Shah Alam. Each time I had to travel, I feel this sickening sinking sensation in my gut. I don't know why though, maybe all I wanted is to be home but home is undefined right now. 

So my phone is ruined,
The screen is ablaze with white haze,

My birthday, 
Will have to wait that long,

Monday, September 24, 2012

Monday Mood

My knees, my arms and my shoulders,
Couldn’t feel the truth underneath,
I was wrong and you were never.
The one who put me at ease,
Goodnight and for sure,
This will be last of me,

Image via tumblr

Mundane Monday

This is Monday,
Horrid, horrid day it is,
For bane, prosaic ways,
For undesirable crumbling cheese

GIF via Tumblr

Saturday, September 22, 2012

Of you and normality

Of passing cars and the whistles of winds,
Day by day,
All that is insane,
Relished in a single moment,
Of grinding skins and carbon air,
Day by day,
All that is in vogue,
You are.